Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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