make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
