Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
