Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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