ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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