i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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