She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize