I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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