I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
