i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Who wears a wallet chain?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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