my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
