just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
