I look better un-naked...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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