Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
