i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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