i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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