dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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