the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
