i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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