All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
