I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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