I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
