2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
