I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
