I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
