Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
