My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
