I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
