Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
