But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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