you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
