babies were throwing up all over the place
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
