This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
