are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
