i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
