My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
