paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
