Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
