I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
