i was born a porn star she said
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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