When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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