I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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