you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
