mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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