Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
