a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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