after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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