saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
