I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
