how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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