you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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