In America we eat man semen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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