I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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