She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
