Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
