So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
