Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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