woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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