I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
