I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
