it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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