im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He felt like a one man threesome
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
