why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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