Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
