I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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