party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
smell my finger.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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