I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
