Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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