I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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