i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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