He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
