I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
