someone get that fucking seahorse.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
