Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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