Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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