i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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